6 Valuable Tips For a Healthy Marriage With Longevity

Marriage is hard! Marriage takes work.  We hear that all the time. But what exactly does it mean? How exactly do you keep a marriage alive and thriving? 

There is no cookie cutter marriage. Everyone does what works for them. At the same time, some basic needs have to be met to keep the connection strong and to ensure you’re growing together, not just individually.

We all get complacent at some point. We don’t mean to, but with the way life be life-ing, it’s hard to keep the energy up to do anything outside of our norm. Then we get into these relationships, friendships and marriages. They require so much to maintain that we usually push the most important one to the side. 

It’s easy to be like “oh we live together”, or “we’re married, you’re not going anywhere”. This is true. But that doesn’t mean your relationship doesn’t need some TLC too. 

Do you know where many relationships fail? When couples neglect the relationship and the spark alive, forgetting to date each other, not doing the things that used to be done when things were cute and simple.

As relationships grow, so does life. We end up having kids, getting promotions at work, family issues arise.

Hunnie, I get it! Who has time!? You got to work, cook, clean, tend to the kids. Somehow you have to find the time and energy to tend to your relationship. But if we want longevity, then tending to your relationship is a must. 

Below are 6 building-block for my newly weds, and even those who have been together for a while but find thmeselves in a dull era of their maariage.

Date Nights

Date night doesn’t have to be extravagant. It can be cute and simple like going to the movies or going to eat at your favorite restaurant. 

If you can’t find the time to leave the house or if you can’t find a sitter for the night, you can do a cute at home date. When the kids are in bed, you can turn the TV to YouTube and find a nice fireplace video. Play some of your favorite slow jamz. Get a paint kit from Walmart or a hobby store or Amazon. Get your favorite drinks to sip or even your favorite flower to puff. There you go! You have a sip and paint or a puff and paint night and a chance to reconnect. 

If you wanted to stay home and do something more relaxing, you could look into having a chef come cook at your home. This gives you both a chance to focus on each other in the comfort of your own home while someone else prepares the meal. 

The point is to find time to recconnect and enjoy each other. Even if its something simple, having the time to have those conversations that keep getting pushed to the side can help bring you closer. This time should also be uesd to update each other on changes in your personal life.

Speak Love Languages

We all have love languages we need to catered to. Most of us have more than one love language, and if you’re anything like me… all of them are your love language and it depends on the day and situation that determines which one need to spoken to. Yes, I know, my wife has a lot on her hands LOL. 

One way to keep a relationship strong is to make sure your partners love languages are not being neglected. Even the smallest act shows that you care, they matter to you, and you’re thinking of them. You’ll be surprised at how much of a difference it makes when these small gestures are made.

 communication

This is the one we all think we have down to a T! If you ask me, I’m a great communicator. If you ask my wife, she will probably tell you I’m a horrible communicator. 

It’s hard to talk about those difficult topics. It’s hard to admit that your feelings were hurt, or that you’re having a hard time forgiving your partner for something. Being that level of vulnerable is difficult. Being that vulnerable and feeling comfortable in your vulnerability. 

It’s important that you and your partner have a safe space where anything can be talked about in a respectful manner. Nothing is off limits. Being vulnerable about something small can allow you to room to grow comfortable with confronting the harder topics. 

That’s when all of a sudden we can’t talk. We let things get swept under the rug. That all bottles up into us having these feelings that haven’t been worked through. Before you know it, you’re irritated with everything your partner does or says. You become this ticking time bomb, because at this point, why can’t they read your mind!?

Unfortunately telekinesis isn’t an option (unless you’re just that talented). How would your partner know that even though you said you don’t like flowers a year ago, you changed and now you’d actually like the gesture of them bringing you flowers. They don’t know unless you tell them. 

Without communicating the wants and needs that have changed over time, you begin to feel neglected. You begin to feel invisible and your partner has absolutely no idea there’s a problem!

That’s what I mean when I say to communicate over the smallest of things. Those small things add up over time and can cause one big a** avoidable explosion. 

Forgiveness

Whew! Hunnie this one right here…! Let’s take a seat on this one. Get ya wine!

Forgiveness… believe it or not, you will have to forgive your partner. From eating the last bit of ice cream you were saving, to forgetting an important event, and maybe even the unthinkable can happen. 

In these moments you can do one of two things. You can get upset, not speak on how you truly feel and let it build up. Now you’ve created a level of resentment towards your partner. 

OR you can address what happened, find a solution and move on from it with trust that it won’t repeat. That’s where the communication piece comes in.

We’ve all been betrayed in some form or another. I’m not sure how you operate, but when I’ve been betrayed.. it’s takes me a LONG time to process it. Then when I do come to the point of foregiveness, it includes me protecting myself from the offender and not allowing them to have access to me, ever again.

But! I’m married. I can’t treat my wife the same way I treat everyone else. I mean I could, but what good does that do? Definitely leads to divorce. 

So when it’s time for forgiveness, what does that look like in a relationship where you can’t just deny someone access to you because you’re upset?

Forgiveness in a relationship looks like MANY talks about the situation. Getting a full understanding of why it happened and how to prevent the same thing from happening. It takes sincerity from both you and your partner. 

It’s important to know that forgiveness is not a straight path. We hope that “sorry” fixes it, but that’s not always the case. With forgives, it’s important to remember that your partner is human. Humans mess up, no one is exempt from hurting or offending you.. including your partner. 

The part that’s important to consider in all of it is, is what you and your partner have worth the forgiveness? If your partner worth being forgiven. 

The best way to know if your partner is worth being forgiven is to pay attention to their behavior. Have they changed? When they said sorry, did they mean it? No matter how big or small the situation is, did the behavior repeat? 

Personal Time

This one is going to be hard for the newly weds, LOL. You do not have to be up your partner’s butt 24/7. Give each other space. Have a girls night or guys night. Go get your hair done or cut. Get your nails done. Take time outside of your daily routine to cater to yourself. Even if you go grab food alone for a moment. 

Its important to continue to nurture yourself just as much as you nurture your relationship. Its also important to give yourselves room to miss each other and something to talk about outside of work and the kids (if you have any). 

One thing you also don’t want to happen is to lose your identity. This is common, especially as your life grows. You become so-n-so’s partner or so-n-so’s parent. Keeping your identity and remaining true to who you are includes continuing to do the things you like and finding joy in them without the presence of your partner or kids. 

It’s okay to be happy when they aren’t around. It’s okay to have fun when they aren’t around. It’s okay to be a little bit selfish and cater to yourself, even though your married and a parent. 

Grow Together, Not Apart

Just because you’re in a marriage, doesn’t mean you’re growing together. It takes one need not being met, that can turn your path into split roads. It takes one belief not being expressed to grow you apart because now you feel less important or less valued. 

If you want to go on a weight loss journey, include your partner. Imagine you losing weight, and your partner not losing weight. Your eating habits change for the better but your partners stays the same. You begin to feel unsupported. But now, you’re losing weight, confidence is going up, your partner starts to see you changing. Now they feel left behind because you’re happier, you’re confident, you feel unstoppable. They feel defeated and don’t know where to begin. You’re walking around looking fine like wine, they didn’t get the proper chance to grow with you because you didn’t express your need for growth. 

This falls back to the communication piece of the puzzle. Growing together means speaking on every change that comes your way. Sharing personal changes allows your partner to continue to be  inlove with the new version of you. They know how to address your needs and wants because they were involved in your growth. 

This will also encourage them to change and grow. It’ll help you both stay inlove and evolve into better people and have a healthier marriage.

Stay Married

Marriage takes work. It takes true commitment, a need and want to be together, being able to love your partner unconditionally and forgive them when needed. 

Everyday you wake up, you have to choose to love your partner. There will be days when you have reached the top of the peak of what you can handle. Yet, you still have to choose your marriage. 

It’s important to remember that each of you is a different person. Yes, you joined lives to create one union. But you still have different beliefs, feelings, wants, and needs. Both of you need to have your requirements met to sustain a healthy marriage with longevity. 

Lastly, remember you are both human! Nobody is perfect. Humans mess up. Humans can’t read minds. Humans are incapable of being perfect. Don’t hold your partner to an unattainable expectation. Being realistic takes you knowing your partner and knowing that they are capable with a bit of guidance nurture you in the way you need most.